It’s regretful.
It’s regretful.
It really was a spur of the moment though, absolutely zero thought given to it other than the fact that the initial thought gave me chuckles so therefore, putting up a poll on Pulpmx.com and having the readers’ vote for their favorite Pulpmx employee seemed awesome. It would create some laughs, some camaraderie and when Blazier won it, all would be right with the world.
Oh how it all went wrong. Right off the bat there was major vote rigging done by Moser and Tits with family members, religious cults and distant cousins all signed up (or trying to sign up) to vote. Soon the texts started flying in and mocking whomever wasn’t on the receiving end of the texts. Then they just started calling each other by their current voting positions and Swizcore claimed to not care about the results but then sent a long-ass text about how he hasn’t thought much about it but the text length suggested otherwise (Moser can back me up on this)(Swizzle note- Hogwash. Just because I had a theory on the results from the moment I saw the poll doesn’t mean I cared. I was up to my eyeballs in the Fla video edit anyhow) . Blazier’s emails and tweets updating us all on how he was last were like those cruelty to animals commercials, you just couldn’t read’em. And you hoped he would pull through.
In short, it was a disaster and judging by all the anti-Tits sentiment on the Pulpmx Show, I really thought that he would finish last but looks like religion does indeed “save” you. I might have to look into this…
And to have ‘None of them’ beat out Swiz and Blaze, well, that’s not exactly the moral boost I was hoping to see. Thanks a lot people, the therapy bills Pulpmx.com is going to have to pay might just bankrupt us.
The cool thing about having all these guys in the Pulpmx universe (by the way, Moser is now a “paid” intern as of this month) is they each offer up something different and something unique and they all add up to cover all the bases. I couldn’t do it without each and every one of them, well, actually I could do it without Tits but hey, he’s the winner of this thing. Maybe I can’t.
What I do know is this poll was a bad idea that I should’ve thought about a little more. Except if you’re name is “None of them” then you’re as pumped as anyone on your result- Matthes
Here’s some words from the participants:
#5- Blazier- Ok, where do I start with this travesty of justice, hence forth known simply as “Poll-Gate”? For my part, I blame one Steve Matthes for this wrong thinking bit of social engineering that has pitted brother against brother, in some sort of gladiatorial moto combat. Words have been said, deeds have been done, all in the pursuit of currying favor from the thousands (ok, maybe hundreds) of fans that frequent our little site every day. All this back stabbing and lobbying for what I say, for what? Just so we can claim a little glory, a little affirmation, a little bit of affection in a cruel cold world?
I mean seriously, it’s not like it matters right? It’s not like losing out to “none of the above” would make a guy feel like less of a man or anything. It’s not like getting smoked by a spelling-challenged drunkard and a stoic, car-sleeping, Dungey-creeping Mormon are anything to be ashamed of. Many proud people have finished last after all, Michael Dukakis for instance. And you know, technically in motocross, second is the first loser (suck it Moser), so that only makes me the last of four losers, which is nothing to be ashamed of.
On the bright side, I want to thank my Mom and the three other people who voted for me. I also want to congratulate Tits for making all of us feel like losers in a Maury Povich paternity test. I salute you sir, in your glorious victory. If you need me, I’ll be over herepretending not to suck…Blaze out.
#4- Swizcore- Hmmm, my thoughts on the poll. It went about as I expected. I’ve long said the PulpMX Show is the sex and PulpMX.com is the teeth. People love sex, while teeth, are just a means to an end. Taken for granted. Tit’s has an open dialog with callers to the show, this is enduring to fans, yes even as wholly unemotional as Mr. Sundell is. It’s the idiosyncrasy we love him for most. No shock at all that he won.
When Andrew Short tweets in support of you to obtain votes, you damn sure better finish at least 2nd. Good work Moser. I heart you.
I ended up fourth and to those who voted for me, it’s appreciated. You’re clearly the smartest group of PulpMX visitors. You appreciate substance and delivery over all else.
I honestly only thought about the poll when:
1. Matthes would mention it in his daily attempts to get a rise out of me.
2. Cory started referring to me as “#3” in our daily group texts.
3. When new PulpMX user registrations would come in with the last names Luttermoser or Sundell.
(There were even a few registrations who couldn’t answer the registration question and instead, honestly stated “I don’t know, I just need to vote for Peter/Cory”)
4. And of course I thought about the poll when Blaze would tweet about how bummed he was by his standing in it.
The one thing which really threw me for a loop in the results was Blaze’s position. Tony is THE guy for old school moto fans. Between his Youtube uploading of old races, providing us with the Classic Commentary footage, daily “Mystery Rider” trivia on Twitter, Classic Steel… basically all the memories us older guys have which have kept us loving the sport all these years, Tony has kept available. I don’t know if the majority of that crowd isn’t aware of the poll or what but his placing last is a deplorable and anyone who didn’t vote for Tony has some jacked up criteria.
Did we learn anything from the poll? Nope, it just confirmed what was already suspected. There’s not a #teamTits for nothin’.
#3- Was actually “None of them”- damm you people, damm you- Matthes
#2 Moser: When I initially saw a tweet about the “favorite PulpMX employee poll” I could picture Matthes giggling and rubbing his hands together. Maybe you’ve noticed Matthes loves to ruffle feathers and create tension. It was pretty clear what his intentions were and I don’t think any of us were going to buy into it, but a race is a race. The irony of having a favorite “employee” is one must be paid to be called an employee and two of us on that list haven’t collected a paycheck, I won’t say who the other guy is but “none of the above” isn’t on the payroll.
I never thought I would finish in second place. After the votes started pouring in my only hope was not to get last but lets look at the facts. Who really knows Moser? And out of those people the majority just think I’m some drunk creepy asshole. I only have 29 twitter followers (by choice), I’m not on the PulpMX show every Monday night and I’m not praised for posting vintage motocross videos on YouTube. The odds were not in my favor. Swisscore is a cornerstone of PulpMX, not everyone knows that but it goes without saying Swisscore helps oil the media machine that is PulpMX although he may regret the day he emailed Matthes to ask him if he wanted some free music from his band to play on the show.
I’m a racer at heart and I also have a tendency to take contests like this to the extreme so when Tits and Blaizer started getting cocky the gloves came off and I decided to have some fun with it. I started campaigning on Twitter and Instagram trying to solicit votes and I had a good time, no I had a great time with it. This was not without a huge backlash and not in the way you might think. The voting wasn’t working correctly and I started getting non-stop questions about why their vote won’t go through via Twitter, Instagram, text etc. The fun I was having quickly diminished. Everyone that was a potential #VoteMOSER supporter was now frustrated and pissed with me. That’s pretty much when I threw in the towel. The highlight for me was when I had 29% of the vote, I definitely got a screenshot of that #29forlife. I in the lead sometime during my 12 hours of campaigning it’s nothing to hang my hat on but it was nice to get out there in the lead and have a clear track in front of me for a Short time.
The most entertaining part of this pole contest was the instant regret Matthes had. You see out of the “employees” Matthes loves him some Blaizer something about “turns everything in on time, I don’t have to proofread his stuff, he never complains”. It probably also doesn’t hurt that Blaizer had 90 out of 100 of the most read articles on PulpMX in 2012. Don’t get me wrong I like Blaizer and his articles too, but I refer to him as the “Golden Child” as he can do no wrong in Matthes’ eyes. That instant regret for Matthes was when Blaizer started dropping in the polls (which boggles my mind by the way). People never forget and Matthes will never be able to repair the mental anguish he’s cause the “Golden Child”.
#1 Tits Legendary: Without a doubt, the right person won this popularity poll. If you think about it, who else would have had a shot at dethroning THE TITS? The answer: No one. For a short period of time there was some campaigning going on by a one Cory Luttermoser which resulted in his temporary lead. I was not okay with this and decided to fight fire with fire. I had to call in #TeamTits as well as the Mormon vote and I quickly regained my rightful place in the lead. Once Cory realized that I was an unstoppable force and that my victory was a sure thing, he conceded defeat and was relegated to second place. If all things were equal and there was no campaigning going on, I think the results would have been as follows: Tits with 75%, Blaze with 12%, Swiss with 10%, and Cory bringing up the rear with 3%. I think that is just good science. Besides, Cory is an unpaid intern and shouldn’t have even been in the poll. I like to think that “None of the above” was actually Pookie and it’s fitting that she beat out the Swiss and Tony. No one was topping Tits, though.
In the end, Tits reigned supreme. I thank all of #TeamTits for voting and Tony for throwing his weight behind me. He would have sooner quit working for Pulp than let a drunken intern win an employee popularity poll. There are some unofficial titles and nicknames being thrown around for me and I’ll list some of my favorites. They are as follows: The fan favorite. The loved one. Numero Uno. The top dog. Dr. Awesome. And King Tits. They are all fitting and I love them all but I’ll just stick with “Tits”. Thank you for putting the King on the top of the podium where he belongs.
Love, Tits
