You may not be going to the M.E. Cup but at least Pulp readers will clown you in the comments.
You may not be going to the M.E. Cup but at least Pulp readers will clown you in the comments.
Randy from Yucaipa is Tits’ personal favorite submission. Check it.
PulpMX Essay by Randy Olson
About a year and a half ago, I stumbled upon by chance the house of some long-lost kooky relatives. At first, I didn’t know who these people were, but over time I’ve really come to like them (and their long, strange parade of friends who seem to show up like clockwork every Monday night).
Steve Matthes. It’s his house really, regardless of what others may say. At least that’s how I view it. He’s been there from the beginning. Him and his wife Pookie, living in Bassett Hound Hell. He’s admittedly a big goof ball, but he’s been around and knows all kinds of people.
Like Paul Lindsey. Nice guy, but you know how some relatives have these expressions that annoy the hell out of you. This guy had a couple, like “That’s the sound of an ice cold Red Bull being cracked open” and “I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus.” At times, I wanted to throw him under the bus.
Then there’s Kenny. Everyone calls him “K-Dub,” or sometimes “The OG K-Dub.” He’s really temperamental, but he’s got these amazing stories. Like the time he rode in a back of a box van from Florida to Minneapolis with nothing but a bucket and a Playboy. Or the time when he was a teenager showing off to these girls and looped out his YZ125 trying to pull a wheelie. He dragged himself home only to find that his mom had locked him out, so he had to go back to the park and have these girls take him to the hospital. Man, that’s gold.
Tits Legendary has been around for a few months. His real name is Peter and he’s got this voice and personality, real mellow, like warm molasses poured slow over grits. But he got mad one time when he was trying to read the news and everyone kept saying “Isn’t that old news?” and he got frustrated and yelled “Fuck all of you!”
Then there are the friends: JT$, NYK, Red Dog, Ping, Weege, and Marc “I’ve got Doc-u-men-ta-tion” Pellagrino. Not to mention Swizcore, Hasbeen, Moser, and Nash (“Gentlemen”).
It’s amazing, really. I didn’t know Steve or Kenny or Tits or Pookie existed a year ago, but now they are part of my moto family, a family which started way back with my friends when we were wide-eyed kids hitching rides to De Anza Cycle Park.
I hope the family tradition continues with my own son. He’s 12 now. From the time he was little, I’ve been telling him about his family. We’ve been to A1 and Glen Helen and to the Motocross des Nations at Budds Creek and Thunder Valley. We ride at Milestone and Ocotillo and on the track in the back yard.
It would be cool for me to go to Vegas and meet you, but it would be cooler for me to go with my son and introduce him to a couple of the rock stars of our motocross family.
YoSmithy is a nut and his BS cracks me up. As you see at the end of his entry, it really wasn’t an entry at all.
PulpMX Essay by Neil Smith (@yosmithy)
At an early age I found it difficult growing up as a girl, then one day I realized that I had a penis, and things got much easier for me. This began to make more sense later in life when I entered into the masturbation era. Surprisingly though, even as a small girl (with a penis) I showed considerable interest in motorcycles, especially dirt bikes.
I would spend countless hours with Ken and Barbie reenacting the 1972 GP at Carlsbad. Ken would bang Barbie in the back of his Matchbox Ford Econoline Super-van before each Moto. My plastic green army men would be the back drop of drunken spectators, and I would use one of my dad’s smoldering Camel cigarette butts for atmosphere. Ahh, those were the summers….
Once I reached my 40’s, I grew tired of this. Ken was now a broken pile of polyvinyl chloride, and I could no longer enhance Barbie’s breast with JB weld. My dad had quit smoking, and the green army men had long ago been melted from a tragic bio-chemical battle that included Gumout Carb Cleaner, and #2 Diesel fuel.
I decided it was time to experiment with motorcycles myself.
From the safety of my mother’s crawl space, I researched endlessly the vast array of available motorcycles and racing disciplines. It soon became obvious, that I belonged in the world of motocross. I knew that I had what it took, with the lack of any formal education, and not even the least amount of personal skills, I was spiritually aware that I could become a productive and successful member of the motocross society, and showed great potential for a foot-hold into the industry itself.
By the time this epiphany in my life occurred, the Internet’s became an invaluable tool to Motocross. The major industry players relied solely on the input from message board experts to guide their efforts in racing and business decisions that would eventually lead into the giant we see before us today.
It was evident that I too, should become and active and respected voice upon the guiding light of a message board deity’s.
Mind you, I didn’t enter into this arena without years of study. The myriad of sleepless nights, immeasurable amounts of money spent, and years of off and on counseling, have now paid off in dividends. With the respect I garner within the Motocross industry elite, I would venture to guess that it’s a rare event that any Factory team decision is made that hasn’t used my eyes of scrutiny before implementation.
I’m sure many have already asked, why this biography had not already been written. I have remained faceless only out of respect to the less fortunate, to allow others of lesser strength to be the daily minions of the sport and industry, so they can carry out my sermon of life, to allow Motocross to flourish throughout my divinity.
You ask me to provide justification of why I should be a brief member of your show? Perhaps it is actually you that should be the one writing the 500 words of good reason, I should not.
PS: I don’t really want to be on the show, but felt this story should be told regardless.
Solid all around submission by Mike Arendell. (@roogs209) Much better than this Vegas layover story from this weeks PulpMX Show.
PulpMX Essay by Mike Arendell
I initially joined Twitter purely to help Steve gain more followers than young Adam Cianciarulo. Mr. Matthes even retweeted it himself. I still refuse to follow AC92 until he turns pro, because a 28 yr old following anyone under the age of 18 that isn’t a professional athlete…that’s just creepy. I now love twitter so thank you Steve for being the straw that broke the camel’s back and got me hooked.
I have been following the sport since late 1995. As many people who know me would attest to, I have been obsessed with it ever since. Sadly in my Jr. High & High School I was the only kid I knew that moto’d. One day in high school for spirit week we had a jersey day and I wore my Fox jersey and another kid had a Thor jersey on. That’s the day I met my best friend C.J., our friendship based on our love for moto. C.J. has never been as “into” moto as myself but every week I fill him in on the happenings of the show hoping 1 time he’ll listen. If I won the contest he would be my +1, as my only moto friend; and I guarantee he would be a listener once he experienced the show first hand.
I subscribe to the Church of PulpMx. I’ve been a member since Steve started Pulpmx.com, even telling him about it one of the 2 times I’ve talked to him at the races but I guess that’s the Cat Thing. Maybe if I won this contest he would remember me #noguilttrip.
I’ve been a big fan of the show since the beginning when Paul was still on (Kenny is waaayyy better). I was not able to listen live because I used to work on Monday nights, but always looked forward to listening to the archive. Now that I generally work a 9-5 I’m able to listen to the show live sometimes and when I’m able to I try to come up with interesting questions and call in. However, I have never paid attention to the chat room, and never will. But I would love the chance to get Kenny to love me & hate me within the sitting in on the show.
I maybe wasn’t the first guy to asked Steve if the Sirus Radio rumors were true but I did ask him in person at Red Bud. I asked because I believed in the show and truly thought it was good enough to gain that kind of exposure so quick.
I love dogs and would be more than happy to walk the bassets & pick up their “pewwoup.” I wanna party with Party Girl Pookie! My favorite Pookie moment is from the first time NYK27 was on the show. Pookie was telling Nick how she was so “faded” at a race she attended, made me laugh anyway.
As far as actually winning, it would be a dream come true! It would validate to all my friends that don’t know moto, that me ditching them and Da Bears on Monday Night Football was well worth it. I’m an outgoing guy, knowledgeable about moto since the mid-90’s and much like Josh Hill, I loved hearing Factory Phil’s party stories from that era. What could be better for the show & the Superfan Contest Winner? I would be forever grateful to Steve, Pookie, Tits, Kenny (and the shows sponsors) if I was blessed with the chance to come sit in on the greatest thing in Motocross since Jeremy McGrath. And I’ll continue to listen to the show either way!
So what was all the talk about Moser’s Essay for? Look on More, it speaks for itself…
PulpMX Essay by Cory Moser (@clmoser – Don’t bother following, he’ll throw a 29 block on your ass.)
|MOSER | Sleepless in Seattle
|ABOUT HIM & WHO HE’S LOOKING FOR
I’m a gentleman and a scholar, looking to becume the most memorable in studio, superfan guest of the show to date. I’m a sure thing, and have a great time no matter what I’m doing. Steve tolerates me, Kenny enjoys making fun of me, and I like tits, Peter is cool too. I can’t promise I won’t try stealing a pair of Pookies underwear, but I can promise I will have a few chardonnays while in studio and have more fun than any other guest you’ve had. I believe I wood be very entertaining and deserving of sitting in on the show with you grand wizards.
Sports and exercise:
Favorite Hot Spots:
|What are you wearing?
Ironman, MX, Watersports, Snowboarding,
Heelies, Throwing my dog a bone
Lots of 8 ounce curls & yo yo dieting/exercising
Golden retriever (Miller) he’s such a good boy
Only discussed after several drinks
Born a Leo, now a Cancer which is bullshit
I have a Masters in Andrew Short
Debauchery with my BFF Holliday “the cryer” &
watching the videos on www.andrewshort.com
Mrs. Moser, Washougal National, Seattle SX
A good sweat, Pulpmx show, talking to Andrew
Short, cuddling with Mrs. Moser
www.andrewshort.com website profile
Van Halen with Sammy Hagar
Grilled Cheese, fried pickles, avocados
Starbucks, Crown on the rocks, Red Bull