GP’s Classic Steel: The Mutants of Moto: Volume 2

Donor Vehicle: 1989 Yamaha YZ125

This unfortunate victim is a recipient of the two most common procedures in the mutant bike business – the pilfered plastic switcheroo and the color palette conflagration. What makes this so puzzling is the fact that the original bike was a pretty sweet looking machine, so why jack it all up? This is Bradshaw’s machine for cripes sake! Touch up the paint, slap on a number 45 and call it a day my friends. But no, no, no, that was just not enough for this enterprising sole. He had to go all groovy toovy and whip out the metal flake (How the hell did he come up with this color BTW? Who sees a Yamaha and thinks, “sparkly green is just what this puppy needs”). Frankly, the blue plastic swap is almost passé in Craigs List circles these days, but this one gets extra credit for the perpetually looped-out rear fender angle.

Donor Vehicle: 1985 Honda CR500R

What in the name of the Little Professor is going on here? Another bike that started as a beauty and ended up as a beast. Some of this I can kind of understand.  In 1990, I also painted the frame of my 1987 CR125R white to match the then current CR’s (I know, I know…), but I never bolted on a purple Maier side panel and hideous white radiator shrouds donned with funky pseudo-’95 CR graphics. The seat I can also kind of understand, as Ceet Racing used to slap the current model year logo onto every seat, regardless of the year (this explains why this is the correct color and shape for ‘85, but the logo is from ’89). Less understandable, is the 2000 CR125R rear fender, which looks completely ridiculous on this old girl. Also troubling, is the either complete absence, or significant shortening of the five-honey’s silencer. These old beast came equipped with massive mufflers and the fact that you can not see one sticking out is bound to mean trouble. Bonus points awarded for the dangling throttle and badass “500” decal on the forks. 

Donor Vehicle: 1975 Suzuki RM125

This one is a real head scratcher. Why would anyone take such a beautiful example of a truly iconic machine and rig it up like this? The basic RM looks to be in nearly pristine condition, so why start bolting on leftover parts and fabricating funky fenders? What are those fenders anyway? They look like they may have started out as rain gutters or some kind of drain. I can’t even tell what is going on with the back fender, but once again it appears to be pointing skyward in true mutant tradition. As to the silencer, I’m sure it sounds a hell of a lot better than the original nearly non-existent one, but it looks absolutely ridiculous.  The rear mount in particular is a pretty sano piece of fabrication and may have been repurposed from the gutter removal. Truly the mutant coup de grâce, however, is that sweet front numberplate, which says it all…

Donor Vehicle: 2005 Suzuki RM125

For those of you who think the Energy drink craze has been nothing but a boon to our industry, I submit this fine specimen for your consideration. Once upon a time, this friendly little smoker was all yellow and happy, like an eager little puppy. Now it is all goth’d out and Emo.  As we have discussed previously, I am not a huge proponent of murdering out my motorcycles and this is a perfect example of why. This poor little thing looks like it escaped off the Beyond Thunderdome set, only to be accosted by Dirt Shark on the way to the catering trailer. In this condition, it looks a good ten years older than it really is. Who run Bartertown? Dirt Shark run Bartertown!

Donor Vehicle:  1978  Honda CR250R Elsinore

OK, in the first edition of Mutants of Moto, I came clean and confessed my own personal mutant bike experience. My bike was a decade old ’78 CR250R and what I did to it was a crime against good taste. After I wrote the last article, I got to thinking it might be fun to let you guys see a little bit of my handiwork. Unfortunately, I did not have the foresight in 1987 to take some nice high quality pics, but I did shoot a little home video of it. This meant the best I can do is a few screen captures, but it should give you an idea of just what a true arteest I was.

This shot is right after I painted the motor Suzuki blue. Yes, I literally painted everything, including the clutch arm and wires. Yes, I painted the carburetor red (WTF was I thinking? It was probably all the lead in the spray paint back then going right to my brain…). Yes, I also painted the countershaft sprocket white (most certainly the single dumbest idea in the history of dumbest ideas). This was also pre-KDX surgery, as you can see by the sweet MSR decal adorning the original Elsie side panel.

OK, this is about a year later, after I ruined my first cylinder trying to hone it during a rebuild (Funny story, honing a chrome cylinder liner is not a great idea. Who knew?). When I got the new red cylinder, I just said eff it, and ran it as is (Never let it be said this guy is not a patriot. These colors don’t run, bro). Once I added the gold pin stripe to the bottom of the tank, I got the absolutely brilliant idea to get some gold model paint and “accent” my steed Goldfinger style. I painted the Honda logo, and the ignition plugs on the other side gold (I like to think of myself as a real pioneer with this colored engine plug business). Somewhere along the way, I swapped out the red carb for one I scored off another CR and removed the head stay for no good reason. I also grafted on a “boost bottle “ at some point, by duct taping it to the bottom of the tank. This was solely because it was already on another ’78 I scored for parts, not because I had any idea what it would do, or in truth, actually what it was for.  Even worse, I had no clue how it would effect things like jetting (which was also a complete mystery to me at the time). When I look back now, it is actually a miracle (and a testament to how tough these bikes were) that my trusty Elsinore never exploded into a million pieces on me. I abused this poor thing out of ignorance and neglect, but she never let me down.