Mutants of Moto #10

Within the mutant community, there are several breeds of enthusiasts. We have the Artistes, who pride themselves in the fine art of working in Krylon and Rust-Oleum.

Their creations sparkle with the luster of metal flake and crackle with the texture of wrinkle finish. Then we have the Sticker Whores. These visionaries prefer to work in the medium of contact paper and glossy vinyl. For them, no sponsor conflict is too gauche and no number of decals is sufficient. Lastly, we have the true geniuses of the mutant moto movement; the Alchemists. These mad scientists of the mutant world look at a tired old piece of lead and try to turn it into off-road gold. They cut, craft and cobble together creations that often defy good sense, but delight the mind with their creativity and outlandishness.

Once again, we are going to celebrate the Moto Alchemists; those bold souls that see a perfectly good motorcycle and see not an end, but only a beginning. While the usefulness of their creations may be questionable, the inspired spirit behind them is not. Long live the dreamers.

Donor Bike: 1998 Kawasaki KX125

Wow, just…wow. You have to love Craigslist. If Judge Dredd ever takes up motocross, this bad boy is gassed up and ready to rip (it still runs!). Plus, at $1100, it seems like a smokin’ good bargain.

While it looks a bit odd at first glance, some of its features are downright handy. Who doesn’t think Vince Friese couldn’t make good use of that front bumper? And how about that bodywork? Lots of room for sponsors and a sweet windscreen to deflect that pesky roost. I’m less enthusiastic, however, about the aluminum seat and “sit-up-and-beg” riding position, which promise to make racking your balls a regular occurrence.

Mutant Rating – 5 Stallones (out of 5)

Donor Machine #1: 2006 Suzuki LTR 450R Quadracer

Donor Machine #2: Random flat-biller’s pimped-out 2011 Chevy Silverado

If there is one thing I love, it is a good couch, and Suzuki’s LTR 450R was certainly one of the favorites of the La-Z-Boy set. For a while, it was the go-to machine for competitive sofa racing, but there was always one issue with them: ground clearance. Stock, they were low and wide and taking it down the street to race the Wheelie Boys meant bashing Suzuki’s crap-ass plastic case and swingarm guards on every speed bump and discarded hub cap. Well, thankfully, that is nothing but a sad memory after this sano mod. By stealing the wheels off of the nearest baller’s dope ride, you too can ride dirty in comfort, my black-sock-wearing friends.

Mutant Rating – 3.5 couch jumpers (out of 5)

Donor Bike: 2000 Honda CR85R

In the farm belt, we take things like tractors seriously and nothing is as badass as having your Honda CR80R match your new John Deer 9750 STS Combine. Now you can rip, roost, and mulch all at the same time.